A decade of pretending to be an adult

I thought I'd posted this, sorry, scrambled egg for brains again....

The little man turns 10 on Monday (The 20th of November), the boy that made me a father, and since have had to constantly (Well, almost constantly) pretend to be a normal human being. Funny that his diagnosis of autism made me realise I am too. Oh yes, normal' has left the building.

I mentioned 'High Functioning' last time. This is a phrase frowned on by the autistic community, and as I'm learning more about my neuroatypicality (Is that a word? I hope so) I'm learning more about how one deals with, and helps others deal with, it. So yeah, my bad. However it is a term that neurotypicals understand (kinda)

Dealing with autism when dealing with typicals can be extremely tiring. I of course have to take that to the next level: I work as an IT engineer for a company that farms me out, mainly to hedge funds in West London. This means my appearance and mannerisms are something they can criticise my company on, they're paying for a perfect human being, obviously, not a skilled techie. This criticism is often passed back to me, and I'm told I'm 'Not a good fit for that site' - I worry that I'm not a good fit for this planet.

I was onsite yesterday and was told that 'This site is a tattoo-free zone' I advised the person saying that that they don't peel off. Mixed feelings as site has lots of good tech, and will have more, but detest the location/extra travel, and that comment set off alarm bells when followed by 'They're expecting a certain level of person in the office.' So I'm below that level for marking my own skin? My skills, my high IQ, my determination are not up to scratch because the book cover comes illustrated?

I worry these are obstacles my beautiful, loving and autistic son will have to overcome. I worry his life will lack the depth and colour and happiness he deserves. I worry he will become me.

Some sites I work at know me and know about me, and are super cool about it, they make working there a pleasure. Some are super-arsey. Frankly, the type of person they are expecting (Thanks to Account Managers) is well above my paygrade on one hand, so I'm looking to go inhouse at a firm more local to Colchester, or at the very least on the right side of London, in both senses of the word right, and avoid the borderline-sociopathic ways of SW3/W1 hedge funds. Because of their unrealistic expectation of their hired help, I have to be ABSURDLY normal at some places. I come home torn between wanting to talk the hind legs off a donkey as some places I should be 'Seen and not heard' or just fire up the kettle, make a noodle and play Fallout 4 for a couple of hours without uttering one syllable to a soul, not that there are any other souls in my flat.