Wednesday, 29 November 2017

A decade of pretending to be an adult

I thought I'd posted this, sorry, scrambled egg for brains again....

The little man turns 10 on Monday (The 20th of November), the boy that made me a father, and since have had to constantly (Well, almost constantly) pretend to be a normal human being. Funny that his diagnosis of autism made me realise I am too. Oh yes, normal' has left the building.

I mentioned 'High Functioning' last time. This is a phrase frowned on by the autistic community, and as I'm learning more about my neuroatypicality (Is that a word? I hope so) I'm learning more about how one deals with, and helps others deal with, it. So yeah, my bad. However it is a term that neurotypicals understand (kinda)

Dealing with autism when dealing with typicals can be extremely tiring. I of course have to take that to the next level: I work as an IT engineer for a company that farms me out, mainly to hedge funds in West London. This means my appearance and mannerisms are something they can criticise my company on, they're paying for a perfect human being, obviously, not a skilled techie. This criticism is often passed back to me, and I'm told I'm 'Not a good fit for that site' - I worry that I'm not a good fit for this planet.

I was onsite yesterday and was told that 'This site is a tattoo-free zone' I advised the person saying that that they don't peel off. Mixed feelings as site has lots of good tech, and will have more, but detest the location/extra travel, and that comment set off alarm bells when followed by 'They're expecting a certain level of person in the office.' So I'm below that level for marking my own skin? My skills, my high IQ, my determination are not up to scratch because the book cover comes illustrated?

I worry these are obstacles my beautiful, loving and autistic son will have to overcome. I worry his life will lack the depth and colour and happiness he deserves. I worry he will become me.

Some sites I work at know me and know about me, and are super cool about it, they make working there a pleasure. Some are super-arsey. Frankly, the type of person they are expecting (Thanks to Account Managers) is well above my paygrade on one hand, so I'm looking to go inhouse at a firm more local to Colchester, or at the very least on the right side of London, in both senses of the word right, and avoid the borderline-sociopathic ways of SW3/W1 hedge funds. Because of their unrealistic expectation of their hired help, I have to be ABSURDLY normal at some places. I come home torn between wanting to talk the hind legs off a donkey as some places I should be 'Seen and not heard' or just fire up the kettle, make a noodle and play Fallout 4 for a couple of hours without uttering one syllable to a soul, not that there are any other souls in my flat.

Tuesday, 24 October 2017

Here I go again on my owwwwnnnn!

So hey, long time no speak.

It's been an eventful year (and nearly a half.)

August 2016 I found myself no longer on the inside of a relationship. Certain realities got faced up to and my then fiancee and I went our separate ways. The kids have been beyond cool about it, largely because my ex and I have been cool about it. We're good friends, probably all we ever should have been. We were so wrapped up in being parents and working that we had little time for each other. A massive support network of family doing pretty much zero babysitting ever meant there was no such thing as date night. Anyway, she's closer to work in a nice place, got a bloke who is, according to my kids, alright, so that's good.

I am living in a proper town at last - Colchester. I get to see my boys every other weekend, they're awesome little men and are happy in their new school. My eldest was diagnosed with Autism at the end of last year, with a shopping list of pointers that pretty much make him Me. So yes, QED, I am Autistic too. We're both 'High Functioning' and what used to be known as Asperger's. So we're socially clumsy, intelligent and mildly odd. Not exactly awful, but a little isolating at times.

I had one abortive relationship with a woman so desperate to not be messed around she messed me around before I would have had a chance (Not that I would have, but there you go, crazy is as crazy does). My work life currently blows, as the commute from Colchester to West London is punishing. There are some upsides - Got a nice little circle of friends in Colchester, and still got my besties in Nottingham, Poole and Hove. I venture out on Thursday evening for a date, so wish me luck :)

As for Gaming - It's been Fallout 4 and Elite Dangerous pretty much for the last year. The previous post about Elite Dangerous 2.1 made me laugh reading it back, as they've nerfed the AI for the NPC's again, then boosted it, then nerfed it, we had 2.2 and 2.3, which were OK, but still looking for a bunch of variety in the ships and not finding it. 2.4 launched, and we had the Frontier Expo (Didn't get tickets dangit!) so looking forward to more. Watch this space(ship)

Thursday, 2 June 2016

New AI in Elite Dangerous 2.1 - Stick your head between your legs and kiss your ar*e goodbye

Greetings, Commanders,

So 2.1 landed, and we tippy-toed out of our space stations to be royally rogered by the new AI. No flowers, no chocolates, and no dinner, just straight up g*ngbanged.

I haven't openly sworn at my computer for a while, having small children means, thankfully, that the headset goes on after they've got their heads down for the night. The other night I downloaded the new update, keen to work on my ship, upgrading merrily as I went. I realised I would be needing some bits and pieces from (a) the surface of the planets and (b) mining. To this end I bought an Eagle (Best thing in the shipyard) and gave it an SRV hangar, and an Asp Explorer for mining.

I loved my Asp Explorer, nice, capable ship, not TOO big, quite tough, and not such a huge outlay if I dented it a bit. How wrong I was.... but more about that in a moment. I bought collector limpets (Which are just brilliant, BTW) to get oore fragments AND they pick up scrap from ships, I later learned, a memont of sheer joy, those little guys make me happy. I headed out to a lowRES to test mining, tried it once last year and it did NOT float my boat. HOWEVER, once I'd mined enough ore to have a ton of anything, the NPC's got nasty, and this was in a LowRES! Suddenly, there's teams of 3 well kitted Vipers and Asps drilling your hull. It goes south SO quickly.

I actually combat-logged. Twice! It was just to keep my hard earned mining payload. Not proud of it, but I'm a relatively experienced combat pilot, and I got bullied like a posh kid in Lewisham.

Anyway, looking forward to a minor nerf, because if that's a LowRES, then HighRES will be like going to warp in Event Horizon.

Fly safe, commanders.

Monday, 22 June 2015

Grinding for my mistress

Greetings, Commanders,

So 1.3 landed, we all picked sides, or avoided them and we've had time to come to terms with that decision, right?

I went for Felicia Winters, the shadow president of the Federation. It tessellates nicely with my 'I'm Federation, but not a total arsehole' ethos.

So far, so good. The first few days I got badly spec'd Eagles after me, and the occasional Cobra. Then the attack rate dropped off, then I started getting Pythons and Anacondas. I had actual clenching moments flying. It was AMAZING! some genuine fear and and you start investing all over again. Having had a crazy run of Annie attacks, I went on a rare run around Lave/Witchhaul/Altair etc to crank up some credits and repair my ship (Yes, I took a beating)

I'm looking forward to returning to Winters space to grind some rep and (Hopefully) get my Fed Dropship (Finally!!)

She could use the help, judging by the drop from 1st to 4th place.

How are you all finding the factions?

Friday, 29 May 2015

The danger of assumptions

This week saw the launch of the 1.3 Beta for Elite:Dangerous. I was stoked to see the new Diamondback ship from Lakon Spaceways. Due to the images, I was looking at a ship pitched at the Non-Federation players looking for an equivalent to the Federal Dropship. You know, that angular looking beast sitting at 19 Million credits with some sweet options and quite nimble. The clues were it was being built on an Alliance world, there as a pre-update mission to help get the shipyard built, the Imperials have the Clipper and the forthcoming courier, so, like all vapourware followers I started making assumptions. The path to wrack and ruin starts here.

So....when I logged in to Beta, I bought one. I had spare cash, and Beta prices, party time! Was it f*ck!? Due to my, by now, mythicall proportioned assumptions, the Diamondback was crap. I got less options than I expected in load out, (The penny hadn't dropped at this point) I picked a tough combat mission, got smacked liked a redneck kid in a supermarket, res'd at the station, bought my old loadout, bought some better slots, (Beta prices!) went back out, more of the same. Crap!

However, after a rage quit (yeah, that as me, not proud) I reflected. I looked at the stats, it was larger than the ubiquitous Cobra and smaller than the well rounded Asp, I looked at the mental image I had and the actuality of it, and my assumptions were found wanting (And I felt like a pratt)

The truth of it is the Diamondback is a very capable combat explorer that sits between the Cobra and the more expensive Asp. It's nimble, good looking and has a good array of options available. I hope it's priced accordingly. I could allow pilots to avoid the Type 6 grind stage moving up from the Cobra, which I remember fondly, much like my other half remembers labour.

What this means is I have to try and get some serious rep in and the last rank jump with the Feds so I can get the Dropship, as it's the multifunction I need until the Python or Fer De Lance falls into my budget bracket. Bad news, I have less than a week to get it. Let me explain, due to Powerplay, we will have rep with factions. Those factions include 2 Federation leaders, 3 Empire, 2 Independent but only one Alliance. I'm thinking of going Alliance. They have the most to gain (Especially in ships, see above) so I may tack my colours to that mast. Also looks like the Fed president has disappeared, so there's more afoot.

IRL crept out for a cheeky Nandos this week, Twas magical!

anyhoo, nearly at my destination. So...don't assume, look what it does!

Commanders, be good (Or be careful)

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Delays in life as in Elite Dangerous

The season of not quite anything is upon us. We have blazing sunshine and 14 degrees, we have rain and sun and sleet in the same day, and yet we're in the dog end of May. Many are waiting for Summer to happen.

And so in Elite:Dangerous.. The 1.3 Powerplay update has been delayed, the Beta was announced for the 20th, and has been put back. Some of the comments on the forum are ridiculous, decrying the devs, how very dare they delay the beta, this whole game's a beta, I'll scweam and scweam and scweam* etc etc

However, perhaps the delay is due to dev burnout, perhaps, knowing the level of support required they're getting some family time/R&R/Pizza action before the beta hits, then the update itself (Generally a week later) and the extra work on patches and bug fixes required. Perhaps the devs have been given a break due to the sterling work they've done already, and this allows them to come up with new stuff. Perhaps they're waiting on the Corvette model. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. However disappointed I am, I'll wait for the beta, and I'll hope that extra time has been spent wisely.

One thing to note on the forums was that the noisy minority hating on the devs were exactly that, a minority. The sheer love for Frontier E:D dev team was touching. Most comments I found ran to 'They'll release it when it's good enough' 'They know what they're doing' and picking apart the redonculous diatribes of the haters.

Devs are human too. E:D's ones are just a bit better. In the meantime, I'm playing Borderlands - The Pre Sequel, some E:D, and dribbling over The Elder Scrolls online. SO tempted now it's not subscription based. Also preparing for the arrival of my Thrustmaster Cougar MFD button panels and my E:D pirate faction T-Shirt. A captain's chair is in the offing, waiting for news on a suitable donor chair. Good times!

Remember commanders: Fly safe or have the insurance money set aside!

Friday, 15 May 2015

Powerplay Beta is coming - May 20th

At last!! Powerplay, Elite:Dangerous is coming. The Beta drops on the 20th of May, and Betas tend to last a week before they go live.

I have some wishes for this update: Faction rewards in internal components - Better quality internals or weapons - I totally want C3 Multicannons, or some sort of multi point mount, eg 2 x C2 in a C4 slot, could totally 'multimulticannon' my little old Asp. Anothger perk I hope Powerplay folds in to the game - Faction discount on insurance. If it costs less to replace you might take more risks, my last replacement wascostly, but it did prey on my mind for a while after that I didn't want to lose that much money, meaning I bailed on combat earlier than I could have.

I'm hoping to take the new Diamondback for a spin, hoping it's an Asp on steroids. With a bit of luck the Diamondback is a heavier multipurpose with at least C3 harpoint, and that the hardpoints are all on corners for extra gimballed shootiness. The concept drawing looks the nuts, but not seeing any other images. I would love Frontier to rectify that soon, or I can just joy-puke/cry into my keyboard when the Beta lands. I'm mildly nervous about the whole experience.

In other Elite:Dangerous news I finally made 'competant' in combat - Which is great as it's the first combat rank that doesn't sound like you're completely crap, which was nice.

Considering a cheeky Nandos for lunch, it's FRIDAY!!

Anyway, fly safe, or make sure you have your insurance money saved.