A decade of pretending to be an adult

I thought I'd posted this, sorry, scrambled egg for brains again....

The little man turns 10 on Monday (The 20th of November), the boy that made me a father, and since have had to constantly (Well, almost constantly) pretend to be a normal human being. Funny that his diagnosis of autism made me realise I am too. Oh yes, normal' has left the building.

I mentioned 'High Functioning' last time. This is a phrase frowned on by the autistic community, and as I'm learning more about my neuroatypicality (Is that a word? I hope so) I'm learning more about how one deals with, and helps others deal with, it. So yeah, my bad. However it is a term that neurotypicals understand (kinda)

Dealing with autism when dealing with typicals can be extremely tiring. I of course have to take that to the next level: I work as an IT engineer for a company that farms me out, mainly to hedge funds in West London. This means my appearance and mannerisms are something they can criticise my company on, they're paying for a perfect human being, obviously, not a skilled techie. This criticism is often passed back to me, and I'm told I'm 'Not a good fit for that site' - I worry that I'm not a good fit for this planet.

I was onsite yesterday and was told that 'This site is a tattoo-free zone' I advised the person saying that that they don't peel off. Mixed feelings as site has lots of good tech, and will have more, but detest the location/extra travel, and that comment set off alarm bells when followed by 'They're expecting a certain level of person in the office.' So I'm below that level for marking my own skin? My skills, my high IQ, my determination are not up to scratch because the book cover comes illustrated?

I worry these are obstacles my beautiful, loving and autistic son will have to overcome. I worry his life will lack the depth and colour and happiness he deserves. I worry he will become me.

Some sites I work at know me and know about me, and are super cool about it, they make working there a pleasure. Some are super-arsey. Frankly, the type of person they are expecting (Thanks to Account Managers) is well above my paygrade on one hand, so I'm looking to go inhouse at a firm more local to Colchester, or at the very least on the right side of London, in both senses of the word right, and avoid the borderline-sociopathic ways of SW3/W1 hedge funds. Because of their unrealistic expectation of their hired help, I have to be ABSURDLY normal at some places. I come home torn between wanting to talk the hind legs off a donkey as some places I should be 'Seen and not heard' or just fire up the kettle, make a noodle and play Fallout 4 for a couple of hours without uttering one syllable to a soul, not that there are any other souls in my flat.

Here I go again on my owwwwnnnn!

So hey, long time no speak.

It's been an eventful year (and nearly a half.)

August 2016 I found myself no longer on the inside of a relationship. Certain realities got faced up to and my then fiancee and I went our separate ways. The kids have been beyond cool about it, largely because my ex and I have been cool about it. We're good friends, probably all we ever should have been. We were so wrapped up in being parents and working that we had little time for each other. A massive support network of family doing pretty much zero babysitting ever meant there was no such thing as date night. Anyway, she's closer to work in a nice place, got a bloke who is, according to my kids, alright, so that's good.

I am living in a proper town at last - Colchester. I get to see my boys every other weekend, they're awesome little men and are happy in their new school. My eldest was diagnosed with Autism at the end of last year, with a shopping list of pointers that pretty much make him Me. So yes, QED, I am Autistic too. We're both 'High Functioning' and what used to be known as Asperger's. So we're socially clumsy, intelligent and mildly odd. Not exactly awful, but a little isolating at times.

I had one abortive relationship with a woman so desperate to not be messed around she messed me around before I would have had a chance (Not that I would have, but there you go, crazy is as crazy does). My work life currently blows, as the commute from Colchester to West London is punishing. There are some upsides - Got a nice little circle of friends in Colchester, and still got my besties in Nottingham, Poole and Hove. I venture out on Thursday evening for a date, so wish me luck :)

As for Gaming - It's been Fallout 4 and Elite Dangerous pretty much for the last year. The previous post about Elite Dangerous 2.1 made me laugh reading it back, as they've nerfed the AI for the NPC's again, then boosted it, then nerfed it, we had 2.2 and 2.3, which were OK, but still looking for a bunch of variety in the ships and not finding it. 2.4 launched, and we had the Frontier Expo (Didn't get tickets dangit!) so looking forward to more. Watch this space(ship)